A blessing… Or a curse?

The Singaporean government has always said so, that being bilingual is a desirable trait that they wish to instil in Singaporean students. In fact, they’ve gone so far as to implement mandatory second language education for all students, starting from primary one all the way up to secondary four. In other words, the typical Singaporean student spends around 10 years of his educational journey undergoing mother tongue education, and this is, according to the government, supposed to make Singaporean students effectively bilingual in the English language and their own mother tongue.

The Singaporean society has been quite receptive to this policy, because of various reasons: firstly, that the mandatory teaching of the mother tongue is supposed to help to tie our younger generation down to their cultural roots; secondly, that it’s perceived that students will have greater access to opportunities in their working life when they eventually enter society after graduating from the system.

These two reasons, I do not wish to disclaim nor do I wish to denigrate.

People have always told me how they wished that they could be effectively bilingual, like how they claim I am so. With all the modesty that I can muster, I’d like to first point out that I am not exactly effectively bilingual: for one, my written and spoken English are really quite in the shambles, and I am quite ashamed to be writing this post in English; and my Chinese is also in an awful state of rustiness arising from a lack of daily usage in both its written and spoken form. So, I am not so much as effectively bilingual as stuck in limbo between being proficient in both languages and being competent in neither. In any case, even if we were to allege that my ability (or lack thereof) in my use of the two languages inter-changeably were to equate to being bilingual, I’m not even sure if it’s a blessing, as the government would have me believe so, or is it a curse, as I am beginning to feel so.

What, you may ask, why would I go so far to claim that being bilingual is a curse for me. Isn’t it much better to be competent at two languages, rather than being just good at one only? Of course, it would be, only if I could fully master the usage of both languages, and be able to pass off as native speakers of both the English and Chinese language. To me, it’s either you go to the fullest extent and excel in both languages, or don’t and just focus on one. For me, I am currently stuck in limbo - somewhat slightly competent in the usage of both languages, but neither here nor there. Personally, this has had a largely negative impact on my life.

Honestly, I hate myself for not being able to speak proper English with a proper accent - for one, it makes me sound as if I am incompetent in the usage of the English language in its spoken form; and let’s not forget that the spoken form of the English language does play a major part in my CCA - in fact, I am inclined to think that people these days give scores for style based on your accent, and not your method of delivery: after all, a speaker with an American or British accent sounds better any day of the week than one who speaks with a Chinese accent, i.e. me. Sadly enough, I doubt that I would be able to change this aspect of my spoken English, because an accent grows on you when you grow up in an environment where everyone speaks with that particular accent. I’ve grown up in an environment where I am the first fluent user of the spoken English language - that’s sufficient for you to know why I speak English with such an accent. And is it my fault that things are the way they are? No. But do I have to bear the consequences? Yes. On various and several occasions, I have thought to myself that I would rather trade in my little proficiency in the Chinese language to be a master of the English language. That I would give up my competencies in the Chinese language in exchange for a firm grasp of the grammar of the English language, a wider vocabulary in the English language, and the accent of a native English speaker. But life simply never goes your way.

I also hate myself when I mispronounced words. For one, due to the nature of my CCA, it’s horribly humiliating and embarrassing, and my ego takes a beating every single time I do that. I never had any phonetics lessons, and I have to learnt to pronounce all of my spoken English by two main methods: firstly, from watching TV; secondly, from guessing from the spelling of the word alone. I never had any sort of mentor or predecessor who could guide me in my mastery of the intricacies of pronunciations in the English language. Libel - “lie-bel” instead of “lee-bel”. I never knew which one was the correct pronunciation, and imagine my horror when I found out which one was the correct one only during the finals of a competition.

What about my Chinese then? My Chinese, please, is not even that good. I am very barely and minimally versed in the understanding of the ancient Chinese language, also known in Chinese as 文言文. I am also unable to memorise famous poems by notable poets from the Tang and Song Dynasty off my cuff, such as those by 李白 or 苏东坡, just like that. I have a puddle-deep grasp and knowledge of Chinese idioms and metaphors. My Chinese is very very pathetic. All that I am able to do is that speak slightly fluently, and write with a slight knack for literary techniques and devices. That’s all. Apart from that, that’s me for you: uncultured and unskilled in the Chinese language. And to imagine that I spent a significant portion of my life trying to master this language, and what did I get back in return? A Chinese accent when it comes to speaking English.

Just to prevent this post from sinking into the gutters of my blog, I’d just like to point out that while the rage in learning Chinese is unlikely to die down in the near future, the English language is hardly likely to die out either, in the near future. I believe that the English language will maintain its dominance and relevance in various aspects of our world today, such as international politics, where we see that one of the two working languages of the UN is English (and the other is French, strangely enough), and I really don’t think that the UN will include the Chinese language as another of its working languages any time soon. Another aspect where English is expected to continue dominating would be that of trade with the Western world. Obviously, in the near future, I don’t think that the Westerners would drop English in return for Chinese, and if we are to continue trading with the West, it would make sense that we would need to continue making use of the English language.

Blessing or curse? Depends on whether you are in heaven or in hell.